When Dick Cheney was a Congressman he voted against banning plastic guns. Just think, if Cheney's desires were followed the 911 terrorists could have hijacked the plane with plastic guns instead of boxcutters.

And under the new guidelines issued by the Obama Administration, Federal agents will not pursue pot-smoking patients in states that allow medical marijuana. This new policy is called “Don’t Ask, Don’t — What Was I Talking About?” - Jay Leno
 

www.internetweekly.org

The-World-Will-Be-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam

• US military deaths in Iraq war at 4351‎

• Blasts at Pakistan air base, wedding bus kill 24

• NATO members: no more troops to Afghanistan now

• Karzai says wants "better" Afghan election run-off

• Czechs, NATO back new US missile defense plan

White House Tells Cheney To GFY, Well, Almost

"What Vice President Cheney calls dithering, President Obama calls his solemn responsibility to the men and women in uniform and to the American public," White House press secretary Robert Gibbs said. "I think we've all seen what happens when somebody doesn't take that responsibility seriously."

A True Translation of Cheney's Latest 'Obama Diss'

By Don Davis

You know what happened on this date in 1867? Russia gave Alaska to the United States. I had an interesting thought, kind of an interesting thought, or as close as I get to an interesting thought. If Alaska is still part of Russia, then Sarah Palin could wave to herself.- David Letterman

Disturbing News

• CDC: 1 in 5 kids had flu-like illness this month

Afghanistan president Hamid Karzai has agreed to a runoff election. The Taliban’s platform on women’s issues is somewhat oppressive. Yes We Cane. - Jay Leno

Republican-Shenanigans News

• Snowe Rejects Public Option as Senate Democrats Weigh Measure

• Bribery allegations surface against Alaska Rep. Young

The New York Times Company has announced that it will eliminate 100 positions in the newsroom of The New York Times by year’s end through buyouts and layoffs, and if necessary, a competitive climb up the side of the building.- LaughLines

Rock-The-Voter News

• Partisan anger in House brings lockout of committee Republicans Washington Post

• Pelosi lacks votes for most sweeping public option Politico

• Abortion divides House Dems in health care debate

• Senate bill may have public insurance plan

• White House releases Obama family portrait

President Obama visited New Orleans, vowing to boost aid and continue building the levees. When asked to comment, Glen Beck responded, “Obama doesn’t care about white people.”

- LaughLines

Putting Lipstick On The Swine Flu

Air "sterilizers." A photon machine. Supplement pills to boost the immune system. Protective shampoos and face masks. Even fake Tamiflu.

These and other products making bogus claims to prevent or treat swine flu are flooding the Internet as scam artists prey on the public's fears while the vaccine is delayed and real Tamiflu — made by Switzerland's Roche Group — is rationed.
 

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Biz-Tech News

• Oil holds above $81 as global economy recovers

• Strong rebound seen for home sales

• Consumers still flock to Amazon: income up 62 pct

Who Cares if Wall Street 'Talent' Leaves?

If lower pay lures some of Wall Street's finest away, so be it. It's not as if the best and brightest were doing a good job to begin with.

Bush-Prison-Torture News

• Music in Gitmo torture strikes angry chord Houston Chronicle

How To Get Free Flights For Life

A baby boy who made a surprise arrival on board an AirAsia flight this week will be given free flights for life with the budget carrier, as will his mother, the airline said Friday.

Go-F**k-Yourself News

• Lawrence O'Donnell Battles Joe Scarborough Over Cheney's Fear-Mongering (VIDEO) Huffington Post

Researchers at Carnegie Mellon University have invented a robot whose sole mission is to deliver you snacks. Got a big problem here in America. We’re getting too much exercise walking to the fridge, now? How about one that delivers exercise equipment? Why don’t you try that?- Jay Leno

The New York Times Humor Page runs a photo to caption each week. They have the smartest funniest captions sent in by viewers. Enter yourself!

Here's mine, not so smart but I thought funny.