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Monday edition - October 23, 2006
Poor George, he can't help it! -- the late, great Ann Richards, Governor of Texas
Do you believe how self-destructive Congress has become?! Did you know that this isn't an election coming up, it's an intervention. -- Jay Leno
The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News
The FBI said the threat to blow up NFL stadiums Sunday was a hoax by two guys competing to think up the scariest terror scenario. What an idiotic contest. It's horrifying to realize that Jackass Two was more inspiring than Flags of Our Fathers. - Argus Hamilton, comedian
Bush: ‘We’ve Never Been Stay The Course’ - video
Disturbing News
Propaganda Fine
Armstrong Williams says the $34,000 he will repay to the U.S. government is a small price to pay to put a 2-year-old punditry scandal behind him.
"It seems a lot of things about Republicans happen to be coming out now, only after they've done them." --Jon Stewart
Republican Shenanigans
"A
consumer watch group has released its annual list of the most dangerous
Halloween costumes. Apparently, the most dangerous thing for kids to wear this
year is a congressional page blazer." --Conan O'Brien
When All Else Fails, Call Your Opponent UGLY!
Hillary Clinton's Republican
challenger is getting personal and it's not pretty: He says the senator used to
be ugly - and speculates she got "millions of dollars" in plastic surgery. Rock-The-Voter News
"An hour-long cartoon about the life of the pope has been produced by the Vatican. When asked why the Catholic Church would make a cartoon, the Vatican said it's the best way to reach its target audience -- adolescent boys." --Jay Leno
Biz/Tech News
Mark Foley named the Florida priest who abused him as a teen Friday, an experience he blames for his propositions to underage congressional pages. He's entered alcohol rehab. His fellow Republicans sincerely hope that the Scotch was older than the boys. -- Argus Hamilton, comedian
Bush-Prison-Torture News
The Republican Party aired campaign commercials on Friday starring Osama bin Laden. There's a downside to giving him so much TV time every other October. It only serves to renew his Screen Actors Guild medical insurance and save his kidney. -- Argus Hamilton, comedian
Go-F***-Yourself News
Colorado's Steven Howards sued the Secret Service for arresting him after he approached Dick Cheney at an outdoor mall in Beaver Creek and politely expressed his disapproval of the decision to go to war in Iraq. The lawsuit won't succeed. It costs a minimum of a thousand dollars a plate to say anything to the vice president. -- Argus Hamilton, comedian
“Here's an
interesting ruling. In Florida, an appeals court has ruled that women can attend
political protests while topless. Thank you very much. Well, this should
encourage a lot more guys to become politically active. But I think that's fair.
Hey, if politicians can go to topless bars, topless women can go to political
rallies.” -- Jay Leno
Odd News
Hieroglyphic details including eye and tusk symbols representing the dentistry profession, below-right, on the entrance to 4,200-year-old tombs honoring a chief dentist, pictured on wall at left, and two other dentists who served the nobility of the 5th dynasty, at the Saqarra pyramid complex south of Cairo, Egypt Sunday, Oct. 22, 2006. Enterprising but unlucky thieves, who likely didn't notice a curse inscription just inside the prominent doorway warning that those who enter would be eaten by crocodiles and snakes, led the Egyptian archaeological team to discover the three tombs, which were unveiled Sunday. (Photo/Ben Curtis)
Peace.
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