January 2, 2003 TGIF
Missing Keys At US Nuke Labs
CBS News - 1-1-04
... weapons labs. The missing keys are only the latest blow to confidence in security at US nuclear weapons labs. The Energy Department ...
Willie Nelson song condemns war in Iraq
Reuters, UK - 1-2-04
... embarrassed to be from the same state as President George W ... Nelson said his new song criticised the Bush administration's ... own damn TV/ But how much is a liar's ...
Bush doctrine strains global rules
Toronto Star, Canada - Jan 1, 2004
... out afterward that there were no terrorists or WMD. ... But since Osama bin Laden's few thousand ... the once-unchallengeable lead of President George W. Bush ...
Missing keys? Ahh, that story makes me long for the days of really important key coverage--the missing White House W keys when Bush thugged his way in.
If you were
treated like that cow was, you'd be mad too
Anchorage Daily News, AK - 1-2-03
... die a horrible death years or decades from now. So quit worrying. Here's the official word from the US Food and Drug Administration which, before George Bush ...
"Hell they won't lie to me/ Not on my own damn TV/ But how much is a liar's word worth/ And whatever happened to peace on earth?"
-Willie Nelson's new song Whatever happened to peace on earth?
New Year Wishes from AllHatNoCattle.net
All Hat No Cattle is presenting awards to--political humor websites for their outstanding work that are otherwise ignored by the award hander outers.
All Hat No Cattle presents awards to political humor cartoonists.
AHNC Viewers get to nominate their favorite funny political websites.
Bush Brother, Neil, Makes Big One-Day Profit
AP - Thu Jan 1, 2:29 AM ET
Presidential brother Neil Bush made at least $798,218 on three stock trades in a small U.S. high-tech company where he had been a consultant, according to his tax returns, including $171,370 buying and selling the company's shares in a single day....
Where's Ken Starr when you need him? It makes Hillary's one time return on pork bellies look pretty insignificant.
withdraws proposal to rename Springfield street after John Ashcroft
Jefferson City News Tribune, MO - Dec 21, 2003
... The General Council of the Assemblies of God withdrew its request Friday to rename
one of Springfield's oldest streets after US Attorney General John Ashcroft ...
"I think the press was muzzled, and I think
the press self-muzzled. I'm sorry to say, but certainly television and, perhaps,
to a certain extent, my station was intimidated by the administration and its
foot soldiers at Fox News. And it did, in fact, put a climate of fear and
self-censorship, in my view, in terms of the kind of broadcast work we did."
- Christiane Amanpour-CNN reporter, September 2003
"Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture." -Steven Wright
Redneck Riviera Rewarded with Bombings
Santa Rosa Island before Vieques operations were moved there.(AHNC)
Away, Vieques Unearths Toxic Navy Trash
Santa Rosa Island after Vieques was moved there. (AHNC)
NC Marines' Eglin training exercise 'went as planned'
Myrtle Beach Sun News, SC - Dec 18, 2003
... from North Carolina ended their first live-fire exercise in the Florida Panhandle ... to replace a Navy bombing range on the Puerto Rican island of Vieques ...
Yep, the republicans welcomed the relocation of Vieques to the Florida panhandle. It's sort of an affirmative action thingy; We won't just pollute Puerto Ricans, we'll pollute Florida panhandle Americans, too.
Interviewer: 'Can you name the President of Chechnya?'
Bush: 'No. Can you?'
Interviewer: 'Prime Minister of India?'
Bush: 'Er...The new Prime Minister of India is...er...No.'
Bush: 'The new Pakistani General, he's just been elected...He appears he'll bring stability to the country.'
Interviewer: 'And can you name him?'
Bush: 'General, I can Name the General.'
Interviewer: 'And it's...?'
"There's no trick to being a humorist
when you have the whole government working for you. "
-- Will Rogers
Those who are too smart to
engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.
Sharon celebrates champion sheep
Wed Dec 31,10:38 AM ET
Just weeks after one of his herd carried away the title of "breeding bull of the year", Israel’s Prime Minister Ariel Sharon was celebrating again after his farm was named Israel's top producer of sheep's milk....
Sharon must not be a capitalist; otherwise he wouldn’t kill his potential customers.
Saddam Hussein offers to reveal the locations of WMD on "Larry King Live."
Deposed Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore announces that he will run for president. His is running on the platform to put his Ten Commandments monument in the middle of the White House Rose Garden.
Tom Delay blames Clinton for Bush not finding the WMDs.
President Bush promises compassion if Saddam will tell him where the weapons of mass destruction are.
POLL: 68% of Americans don’t remember who Osama bin Laden is.
Osama is found in a hole in Iowa.
Deposed Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore new presidential platform is to carve the Ten Commandments on the Statue Liberty’s tablet.
Al Franken writes another book ”Foxes in Holes”, Fox sues him, Fox loses, and his book shoots to #1 on the NEW York Times bestseller list
CNN does a special on the dead aide found in Joe Scarborough’s office. Scarborough is fired by MSNBC due to viewer outrage.
MSNBC does a special on the outing of a CIA agent by the White House leaking to conservative columnist Bob Novak. Novak gets another show on CNN.
A Democrat will win the Democratic primary.
MSNBC does a special on Dubya’s unrecorded last year in the Alabama National Guard. Alabama secedes from the Union.
Bush offers exile to Saddam if he’ll tell where the WMDs are.
Fox hires Joe Scarborough.
A Democrat will win the presidency in a landslide. His name is President James Carville. And his VP is Mary Matalin.
A very special thanks to all of the hardworking patriotic websites helping us laugh through these times of turmoil.
Australian astronomers say have pinpointed an area of the Milky Way that is most likely to support alien life. "What we have done for the first time is to quantify carefully where complex life is likely to exist," said Charles Lineweaver, from University of New South Wales. (NASA/HO)
Keep All Hat No Cattle going strong in 2004
click here to donate or click button below