January 2,  2003 TGIF

Missing Keys At US Nuke Labs
CBS News - 1-1-04
... weapons labs. The missing keys are only the latest blow to confidence in security at US nuclear weapons labs. The Energy Department ...
Willie Nelson song condemns war in Iraq
Reuters, UK - 1-2-04
... embarrassed to be from the same state as President George W ... Nelson said his new song criticised the Bush administration's ... own damn TV/ But how much is a liar's ...
Bush doctrine strains global rules
Toronto Star, Canada - Jan 1, 2004
... out afterward that there were no terrorists or WMD. ... But since Osama bin Laden's few thousand ... the once-unchallengeable lead of President George W. Bush ...

Missing keys?  Ahh, that story makes me long for the days of really important key coverage--the missing White House W keys when Bush thugged his way in.

If you were treated like that cow was, you'd be mad too
Anchorage Daily News, AK - 1-2-03
... die a horrible death years or decades from now. So quit worrying. Here's the official word from the US Food and Drug Administration which, before George Bush ...

"Hell they won't lie to me/ Not on my own damn TV/ But how much is a liar's word worth/ And whatever happened to peace on earth?"

-Willie Nelson's new song
Whatever happened to peace on earth?



New Year Wishes from AllHatNoCattle.net


  1. I wish we had a president who could pronounce foreign leader’s names correctly.

  2. I wish we had a president who would fix our infrastructure instead of the Iraqis.

  3. I wish we had a president who works for us as much as he plays for himself.

  4. I wish we had a president who is a great communicator instead of Mr. Malapropism.

  5. I wish we had a president who wouldn’t lie about going to war.

  6. I wish we had a president who would gladly release his military records.

  7. I wish we had a president who was a uniter not a divider.

  8. I wish we had a president who cared more about the care of health instead of Healthcare, Inc.

  9. I wish we had a president who was elected.

  10. I wish we had a president who __________Add you own in the anonymous machine below



All Hat No Cattle is presenting awards to--political humor websites for their outstanding work that are otherwise ignored by the award hander outers.



Bush Brother, Neil,  Makes Big One-Day Profit

AP - Thu Jan 1, 2:29 AM ET

Presidential brother Neil Bush made at least $798,218 on three stock trades in a small U.S. high-tech company where he had been a consultant, according to his tax returns, including $171,370 buying and selling the company's shares in a single day....

Where's Ken Starr when you need him? It makes Hillary's one time return on pork bellies look pretty insignificant.



Group withdraws proposal to rename Springfield street after John  Ashcroft
Jefferson City News Tribune, MO - Dec 21, 2003
... The General Council of the Assemblies of God withdrew its request Friday to rename
one of Springfield's oldest streets after US Attorney General John Ashcroft ...

"I think the press was muzzled, and I think the press self-muzzled. I'm sorry to say, but certainly television and, perhaps, to a certain extent, my station was intimidated by the administration and its foot soldiers at Fox News. And it did, in fact, put a climate of fear and self-censorship, in my view, in terms of the kind of broadcast work we did."

- Christiane Amanpour-CNN reporter, September 2003

"Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture." -Steven Wright


Redneck Riviera Rewarded with Bombings

Santa Rosa Island before Vieques operations were moved there.(AHNC)

Bombs Away, Vieques Unearths Toxic Navy Trash
Common Dreams - Dec 31, 2003
by Carmelo Ruiz. SAN JUAN - Now that the US Navy is gone, residents of the Puerto Rican island-town of Vieques face pressing environmental problems. ...


Santa Rosa Island after Vieques was moved there. (AHNC)

NC Marines' Eglin training exercise 'went as planned'
Myrtle Beach Sun News, SC - Dec 18, 2003
... from North Carolina ended their first live-fire exercise in the Florida Panhandle ... to replace a Navy bombing range on the Puerto Rican island of Vieques ...

Yep, the republicans welcomed the relocation of Vieques to the Florida panhandle.  It's sort of an affirmative action thingy; We won't just pollute Puerto Ricans, we'll pollute Florida panhandle Americans, too.


Interviewer: 'Can you name the President of Chechnya?'
Bush: 'No. Can you?'
Interviewer: 'Prime Minister of India?'
Bush: 'Er...The new Prime Minister of India is...er...No.'
Bush: 'The new Pakistani General, he's just been elected...He appears he'll bring stability to the country.'
Interviewer: 'And can you name him?'
Bush: 'General, I can Name the General.'
Interviewer: 'And it's...?'
Bush: 'General'

 "There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. "
- Will Rogers


Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber. ~Plato

Sharon celebrates champion sheep

Wed Dec 31,10:38 AM ET

Just weeks after one of his herd carried away the title of "breeding bull of the year", Israel’s  Prime Minister Ariel Sharon was celebrating again after his farm was named Israel's top producer of sheep's milk....

Sharon must not be a capitalist; otherwise he wouldn’t kill his potential customers.

AllHatNoCattle.com’s  Predictions for 2004




A very special thanks to all of the hardworking patriotic websites helping us laugh through these times of turmoil. 




Australian astronomers say have pinpointed an area of the Milky Way that is most likely to support alien life.  "What we have done for the first time is to quantify carefully where complex life is likely to exist," said Charles Lineweaver, from University of New South Wales. (NASA/HO)



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