"The
government issued a statement this week saying most people aren't complaining
about the full-body scanners. See, the government always says that. Every time
there's another intrusion into our privacy, they say most people aren't
complaining. Well, of course, most people aren't complaining. You know what
happens when you complain at airport security? You get a colonoscopy and wind up
on a terrorists watch list." –Jay Leno
The-World-Will-Be-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam
"It's been
reported that an 8-year-old boy from New Jersey is on the government's airport
watch list because he has the same name as a possible terrorist. So, it's been a
really bad week for little Skippy bin Laden." –Conan O'Brien Revisiting Vietnam
A piece of shrapnel sliced
Jerry Maroney's right leg. A bullet pierced Peter Holt's neck. Les Newell took a
shot in the rump.
Disturbing News
"Sarah Palin's doing a lot of public speaking, and next week, she will be in Las Vegas speaking at a liquor convention. And what a coincidence, because I think McCain was drunk when he picked her." –David Letterman
Putting A Curling Iron Where The Sun Doesn't Shine
Democrats made
hay earlier today of the report of an ugly comment at a Scott Brown event:
"Shove a curling iron up her butt" a crowd member shouted of Coakley in West
Springfield.
"Our good
friend, Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska, is a contributor to Fox News.
Only been there a couple days. Already making friends. Today, she loaned Glenn
Beck some mascara that does not run when you cry." –David Letterman
Republican-Shenanigans News
"I’m a
middle-of-the-road kind of guy. I want the Democrats out of my pocket
Bush's Poodle To Speak
Former prime minister Tony
Blair will give long-awaited testimony to Britain's Iraq war inquiry on January
29, officials said Monday.
Rock-The-Voter News Gentlemen, Start Your Engines
Conservative
political icon Sarah Palin plans to attend the Feb. 14 Daytona 500.
William J. Lederer, co-writer of “The Ugly American” has died at the age of 97. Look for his legacy on any reality channel.- Laugh Lines
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Biz-Tech News
J.P. Morgan Chase is reportedly going to reward its employees with bonuses totaling $9.3 Billion. In order to try to make it look more palatable to the average American, the bonuses will be handed out as $500,000 gift cards to Wal-Mart.- Laugh Lines
"As you
know, security is being upgraded at airports all across the country. They're
really cracking down. In fact, today, Osama bin Laden's name was put on the
do-not-fly list." –Jay Leno
"It's kind
of sad to see what's happened to NBC. You know, when I was a young man, just
beginning to blossom, my breasts were starting to fill out, NBC was number one.
They had 'Cosby' and 'Cheers' and great shows. Now, they're a mess. Like going
on your high school reunion and the homecoming king went bald and works in a
lawn mower repair shop.'" –Jimmy Kimmel Bush-Prison-Torture News
A report says Tiger Woods is undergoing rehab treatment in a sex clinic in Mississippi. Which means when he gets out, he will only be having affairs with his immediate family members.- Laugh Lines
Go-F**k-Yourself News
This is the Chinese Year of the Tiger –dare I take up golf?- Laugh Lines
Please keep All Hat No Cattle Online
Offline Donation - Lisa Casey - PO Box 88 - Ashford, AL 36312
Email me lisa@allhatnocattle.net Odd News To Help You Deflate Photo
Meet Beauregard. He's a local street dog who has been guarding my casa lately. This morning while I was outside watering my plants, Beauregard shows up all excited whimpering up a storm. He ran to my veranda and I quickly followed. He had injured the top of his nose. He had one small puncture and another scrape that is visible in the photo. I brought him some clean cool water and he quickly drank half of it. I cleaned up what Beauregard would let me. I wonder if he got into another fight or caught in a barbed wire fence. He fell fast asleep soon after I took this picture. He knows he's safe here.
Peace.
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