TGIF/Weekend edition - January 16-18, 2009


Bush Renames Wall Street



Obama Dines During Bush's Speech
CBS News, NY - 1-16-09
As his predecessor, President Bush, says his final goodbyes to America on national television, President-elect Barack Obama dined at the DC restaurant...


Obama tells daughters he ran for president for them, all children
AFP - 1-16-09
WASHINGTON (AFP) — In an open letter to his young daughters, US president-elect Barack Obama said Thursday that he entered the race for the White House

Poll finds broad support for Obama
The Associated Press - 1-16-09
The AP-GfK poll found widespread disapproval of Obama's predecessor, President George W. Bush. Sixty-one percent believe Bush will go down in history as a


"Barack Obama says one of the first things he'll do as president is sign an executive order closing down Guantanamo Bay, to which President Bush said, 'Hey, well that's nothing. I've closed down factories, car dealerships." --Jay Leno




Graphic by AHNC viewer Rick


The-World-Will-Be-A-Safer-Place-Without George W. Bush

Buh Bye Hayden



CIA Director Michael Hayden strenuously defended the effectiveness of the CIA's harsh interrogation techniques Thursday, only moments after Attorney General-designate Eric Holder said the use of waterboarding was torture. Though U.S. officials say interrogators have not engaged in waterboarding in the past five years, Hayden said the coercive techniques and other harsh tactics were useful in the war on terror.





"The President was on 'Larry King' for one last hard-hitting interview before he packs up and tries to find his way back home to Texas. King asked the President if he personally lost money in the stock market. Bush said he has no idea because all his money is in a blind trust managed by a Nigerian prince who's about to collect a huge inheritance." --Jimmy Kimmel




One Last Nu-cu-lur Deal By Bush



The first U.S. nuclear business delegation to visit India since the two nations sealed a historic nuclear trade agreement concluded its five-day visit Friday. Though there was much bonhomie and one preliminary deal, many hurdles remain before U.S. companies can cash in on India's nuclear promise.


"Barack Obama also says he wants to bring a sense of accountability to Washington. I've got a better idea. Why don't you bring some accountants to Washington, okay? Tell us where the hell our $750 billion went!" --Jay Leno





Republican-Shenanigans News


"How come, in Washington, the only time anyone is honest is when they make a mistake?
Well, you ever notice this? Whenever politicians don't pay their taxes, 'Oh, it's an honest mistake.' Huh? You know what they call it when you and I don't pay our taxes? 'Exhibit A for the prosecution.'"
--Jay Leno




Oh, I Almost Forgot, Bush Made His Farewell Speech Last Night


President Bush used his farewell address Thursday to stress that the nation has not suffered a major terrorist attack since Sept. 11, 2001.


Rock-The-Voter News




"President Bush, appearing on Fox News Sunday morning, confirmed that he is planning on writing a book. Bush admitted he'll use a ghost writer. Well, sure, if it's about his Presidency, it's going to be a horror story. He'll need a ghost writer." --Jay Leno



I ran across this website and don't know quite what to make of it


Ads by Google



Biz-Tech News

Double Hit For Madoff Investors


If you invested money with accused swindler Bernard Madoff, and then in the past few years made withdrawals, you could, according to federal law, be required to give that money back in what is known as a "claw back."


Bush-Prison-Torture News


"A spokesman for Barack Obama says the prisoners that are released from Guantanamo will either be sent back to their home countries or enter the New York City cab driver training program." --Jay Leno

AHNC supports torture to protect and preserve our American way of life

The recent controversy over the efficacy of torture and whether or not the United States uses it against suspected terrorists has prompted All Hat No Cattle to take a public stance on the issue: We categorically support the use of certain “enhanced interrogation techniques.”

And not just on terrorism suspects. AHNC believes that EITs should be permitted in certain circumstances involving political debates, job interviews, claims of spirituality and, of course, criminal investigations.

Larry Kudlow, the conservative uber-capitalist anchor on CNBC, said this week that accused mega-swindler Bernie Madoff should be confined at the Guantanamo prison camp and subjected to water boarding until he reveals where he has stashed some of the billions he is suspected of stealing. (The fact that Madoff hasn’t been formally charged yet apparently is immaterial, according to Kudlow’s finely honed sense of criminal law).

AHNC essentially agrees with the Gitmo confinement proposal but believes it should be standard procedure for all major white collar crime suspects, particularly ones like lobbyist Jack Abramoff and now deceased former Enron CEO Ken Lay, who were such close friends of the Bush Administration and other major GOP players.

ANHC, however, does not espouse water boarding. We instead support the practice of surf boarding major fraud suspects through the shark infested waters around Cuba or, better yet, beer bonging. What better way to make an aging rich guy talk than force him to drink a gallon of cheap draft beer instead of the pricey chardonnay to which he’s accustomed? For that matter, why not have Kudlow swill some stale Falstaff each time he comes up with such brilliant suggestions to amend our criminal justice system?

Torture also is a hot topic because President-elect Obama about to take office. He has said he’s going to shut down Gitmo, but that might be a hasty move. After all, what better place could there be to incarcerate people like Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld and Paul Wolfowitz once they’re facing charges of falsifying intelligence to gin up their phony war with Iraq. (We won’t include outgoing President Bush in that crew of defendants because U.S. law explicitly prohibits prosecution of the mentally handicapped.)

While we’re on the topic of enhanced interrogation, why should the U.S. government resort to water boarding, sleep deprivation or exposure to cold temperature when we have more benign but just as effective ways of breaking down terror suspects? Imagine Sheik Iwanna Gohome sitting in his cell while a taped loop of Bush statements repeats hour after hour – an endless babble of mispronounced words, grammatical errors and incomplete sentences interspersed with his patented, smarmy little comments and chuckles. “History teaches us! Heh, heh! I know – I’m the decider!”

Yes, there is a place for enhanced interrogation techniques in our society. Imagine candidates’ podiums at political debates wired with low-amp electrical shocking devices controlled by the moderator.  Consider the entertainment potential of venomous snakes being released without warning into the production studios of television evangelists.

We undoubtedly would get to hear some interesting revelations from our political and religious leaders then.      


Go-F**k-Yourself News


"And health experts are now concerned that the bad economy may be causing Americans to gain weight. They call it 'recession pounds.' Really? Recession pounds? Have these people been to a shopping mall in the last ten years? Either that theory is dead wrong or we've been in a recession since 1985, okay?" --Jay Leno




Did you have a good time today?


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Odd News




Passengers stand on the wings of a US Airways plane after it landed in the Hudson River in New York, January 15, 2009. Capt Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger was out of options at 920 meters on Thursday when he intentionally and calmly steered his crippled US Airways jetliner, fully loaded with passengers, toward the Hudson River. Hopefully, President-elect Obama will make Capt Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger head of the FAA.
Photo/Steven Day





P.S. I must apologize for the late post today. I overslept for the first time in years. It must have been at the relief of hearing George W. Bush's last speech.